I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
