I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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