you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
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