Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
