How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
