ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
