it hurts more in the daytime
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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