someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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