You're so nebulous sometimes
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
