you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
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