k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
