it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
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