i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
