he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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