It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
