Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
