Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
