This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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