i permit you to call me
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
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