Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
