please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
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how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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