At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
