you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
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