dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
