What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Randomize
