omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
i think i just naturally attract stoners
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
