you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
