isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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