dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
