you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
