if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
