my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
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