So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
