Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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