my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
