dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
