you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Randomize
