Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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