somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
