You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
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