every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
