I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
