If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
