We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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