Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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