literally had 100 drinks last night.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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