Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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