can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
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she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
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The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"