I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
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It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
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Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
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