4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Sorry my hands just texted you
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.