Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
