Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
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at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
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Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.