Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...