Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(650): View more from California

Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.

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(502): View more from Kentucky

Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.

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(905): View more from Ontario

the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster

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(860): View more from Connecticut

you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.

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23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
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(563): View more from Iowa

at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.

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(816): View more from Missouri

I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring

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(909): View more from California

Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.

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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.

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(602): View more from Arizona

Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.

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