I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"