Betty ford says i'm here all night
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
21 NSFW Facts About Famous Celebrities That Will Blow Your Mind
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
These Are 19 of the Most Horrible Strangers People Had to Sit Next to
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary