Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(415): View more from California

my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"

(650): View more from California

LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me

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(415): my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous" (650): LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me http://tfl.nu/uk4o

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(828): View more from North Carolina

God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.

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(828): God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you. http://tfl.nu/4g7v

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(925): View more from California

2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.

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(925): 2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing. http://tfl.nu/jq9y

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(203): View more from Connecticut

So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."

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(203): So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm." http://tfl.nu/f62k

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(484): View more from Pennsylvania

We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.

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(484): We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break. http://tfl.nu/ezuj

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(469): View more from Texas

you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator

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(469): you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator http://tfl.nu/bsby

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(415): View more from California

was it good sex?

(510): View more from California

i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was

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(415): was it good sex? (510): i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was http://tfl.nu/o836

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(647): View more from Ontario

I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.

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(647): I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution. http://tfl.nu/mh7s

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(605): View more from South Dakota

and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.

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(605): and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno. http://tfl.nu/gxse

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(604): View more from British Columbia

I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.

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(604): I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon. http://tfl.nu/c35r

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(732): View more from New Jersey

He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?

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(732): He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it? http://tfl.nu/l4jt

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(636): View more from Missouri

I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.

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(636): I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph. http://tfl.nu/fo7j

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(484): View more from Pennsylvania

future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.

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(484): future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up. http://tfl.nu/vyz8

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(626): View more from California

I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.

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(626): I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger. http://tfl.nu/jsvx

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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.

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(570): If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it. http://tfl.nu/cvsi

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