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my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
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