Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect