Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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