remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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