Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
