Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
