Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
