Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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