he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize