That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
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Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
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Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize