its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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