even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
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