I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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