I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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