I can't watch pbs sober anymore
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
me + whiskey = a bad person
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
