walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
