Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
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