This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Randomize