All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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