This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
COCAINE IS GR8
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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