I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
