They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
