Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Randomize
