i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
