i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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