i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
