My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Randomize
